Self Explanatory
by Berry's Ambitions
Summary: [One-shot] Lizard wasn't sure what exactly drew him to Doug Bukowski, but he couldn't say he minded all that much. [Lizard/Doug]


_**Self-Explanatory**_

_**By Berry's Ambitions**_

**A/N: My second attempt at both slash and the Lizard/Doug pairing. It took me a while to think of an idea, and it might be out of the box but here it is nonetheless! Forgive me for any OOCness here - this is borderline crack, but wouldn't have worked any other way. I've been going through a rough time as of recently and writing this helped take my mind off it for a little bit. Hope this isn't too weird for you readers!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own _The Hills Have Eyes_.**

**WARNING: Language and some suggestive material.**

* * *

If one didn't know Lizard, they would have assumed he was sneering. Brow furrowed, piercing blue eyes narrowed into slits, fists clenched tightly at his sides.

And he would let them go on believing this.

They could think whatever the hell they wanted as long as it wasn't the truth.

He was staring at him.

Again.

Doug Bukowski, with his scruffy beard, slim frame and trademark glasses.

As usual, he was babbling on his cell, pacing back and forth. How he managed to get reception, Lizard sure as hell didn't know. He didn't particularly care, either.

Doug's clothing was no different than usual. (Was Lizard really taking note on this guy's _outfit?_ What was he, a teenage girl?) White Oxford shirt, neatly-pressed tan slacks, loafers. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Lizard tried to chalk his scrutinzation down to boredom, but he was through with lying to himself or make excuses.

He was going to be out with it.

Doug Bukowski was not a half-bad lookin' guy.

Lizard was't ashamed of the fact he was oogling another man. He'd accepted his bisexuality a long time ago, and it was far from a secret.

It was the fact it was Doug, of all people, that weirded him out.

He wasn't sure what Doug's allure was in the first place. Maybe it was the air of self-importance the human carried. It was annoying to a lot of people, but, to Lizard's genuine surprise, he found the trait endearing. At least in Doug. In anyone else, fuck yeah it was annoying.

_He's always been kind of an odd duck, this guy,_ Lizard found himself musing for no particular reason.

Lizard accepted Doug's fussiness, his need to stay in control of the situation. Sure, his complaints occasionally grated the mutant's nerves. Sure, he was uptight and eccentric.

But Lizard_ liked_ it.

It was the first time in forever that he felt so interested in anyone, much less another male. More often than not, Lizard wondered if it was _too_ interested. Even when Doug did something as simple as addressing him Lizard's heart would skip a few beats. Doug had a real interesting way of doing that, he supposed. His tone was almost always skeptical, as if he couldn't believe that he was having a conversation with someone named 'Lizard' in the first place.

Dou was bossy, too. Had it been anyone else ordering Lizard around he wouldn't think twice before slicing open an atery. (Unless it was Jupiter, one of the few people Lizard genuinely respected. Or Ethel, who treated him with kindness and warmth he didn't deserve.) At the least, Doug wound up with a snarky comeback or too. A sarcastic smirk and salute at most.

Lizard leaned back against the gas station wall. Doug's actual conversation didn't mean much to him - something about stocking up on Blackberries - but he enjoyed the overall sound of his voice.

Doug, after what seemed like eternity, snapped the phone shut and slid it into his pocket. The young man sighed, no doubt lost in his thoughts. Knowing Doug, it was most likely about the awful heat or whatever he'd been yammering about less than a minute ago.

For whatever reason, Doug's gaze landed on Lizard. Knowing it was catch him completely off-guard, the hill person grinned saucily, running his tongue over his teeth. If there was one thing he took pride it, it was unpredictability.

Doug blinked several times in a row - Lizard had to bite the inside of his cheek to avoid errupting into laughter - before offering a weak smile in return and turning away. Lizard watched as he scratched his head, a few strands of light brown hair coming out of place as he did.

Lizard let his own thoughts wander around that point. Again, he reflected on how long it had been since he focused his attention on one particular person. He recalled his half-assed attempt at starting a relationship with Suzie, who he never really viewed as anything more than a friend. Now _that_ turned into a hot mess. He should've known she was still hung up on Pluto. What that girl saw in his cousin, he had no idea, but he didn't take it personally. At least _someone_ was happy, after all.

Now Lizard couldn't help but feel a bit depressed. Pluto and Suzie. Brenda and Chameleon. Letch and Lynn. Amber and Goggle. Napoleon and Missy.

Where did that leave _him?_

And since when did he turn into such a melodramatic _bitch?_

"Uh, Lizard?"

The silver-haired man glanced upwards and instantly cursed himself for acting so skittish. Not wanting to show any signs of weakness, he scowled. "What you want, Bukowski?"

Doug was standing in front of him now. How Lizard hadn't even noticed this was beyond him. _At this rate, I'll be as damned stupid as Hades._

Doug's green eyes remained kind despite Lizard's hostility. "I don't know what your plans are for this weekend, but I could really use some help at the store.

Lizard was rendered speechless at that. Odd considering the fact it wasn't a blue moon.

Doug must have mistook his shock for hesitation, as he continued, "Nothing major, just moving boxes and shorting shelves. Easy stuff... are you okay?"

Lizard realized how dumb he must have looked and nodded stiffly, not even pausing to consider the offer.

"So I'm guessing that's a yes?"

The next thing Lizard realized was that he was going to ruin his hard-earned reputation in a matter of seconds. Trying to cover up his bafflement, he drawled, "Maybe" and hooked his thumbs into the loops of his belt.

Doug appeared relieved. "Oh, thank God. I really appreciate it." He paused, frowning slightly. "You don't mind bunking with me, do you?"

"Define 'bunkin''."

"I can take the couch." Doug rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "I don't want you to feel awkward or anything."

Lizard actually barked a laugh at that, much to the amazement on Doug's face. "You're worried 'bout _me_ feelin' awkward? Thought you knew me by now!"

Doug laughed as well, the tension fading from his shoulders. Then he regained his composure. "You know, the reason I invited you was because... well, maybe I'd like to get to know you a bit better."

An odd, fluttery feeling entered Lizard's belly. _I really _am_ turning into a girl,_ he thought. _Next time I know I'll be asking Jeb for tampons. _"You shittin' me?"

"Well, actually, that was my lame attempt at hitting on you," Doug admitted. "I'm a bit out of practice."

Lizard clenched his jaw to prevent it from dropping to the ground.

As if on impulse, Doug touched his hand. Even through the leathery material of his glove, Lizard felt a warm jolt. Doug gave a gentle squeeze. "Hope that doesn't bother you or anything," he half-joked.

Lizard, for the first time since they'd started their conversation, directly met the other man's gaze. "No, Doug," he said at last, "not one bit."

To say he rushed home to pack an overnight bag would be an understatement, and that he and Doug did indeed have a get to know each other that weekend would be an even bigger one.

* * *

**A/N: Well, there you have it! More Lizardoug. My last one was so well-received that I couldn't resist doing another - and in general, I find these two oddly adorable together. There isn't nearly enough slash in this fandom and I'll hopefully do more soon (seriously, no one has ever bothered writing girl/girl stuff at all). And more writing period. Yes, I will update _Winds of Change_ soon! Things have been insane lately, and I haven't had much time to type things out of my computer. But I have a very solid idea as to where I'm going with it, rest assured.**

**Anyway, reviews would be nice. I haven't been getting many lately and they do mean a lot to me. :) So please, let me know what you thought!**

**Thank you for reading (and thanks in advance to those who do decide to give feedback)!**


End file.
